direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
