It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm always down for nudity.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
