Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
