I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
