Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
