I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
