There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
