just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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