last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
