We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
