closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
