I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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