Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
