so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
