sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
