just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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