I'm lost and stupid without you.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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