Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
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I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
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I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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