What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
