HIV tests are more positive than that guy
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
