Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
