Texts From Last Night

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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.

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  (985): There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him. http://tfl.nu/jf24
  Replies (48) Good night (696) Bad night (3719)
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?

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  (857): So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month? http://tfl.nu/9rfa
  Replies (6) Good night (1613) Bad night (3701)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.

  (1-785): View more from Kansas

  But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.

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  (785): He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him. (1-785): But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed. http://tfl.nu/9pjf
  Replies (26) Good night (8659) Bad night (894)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.

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  (203): Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit. http://tfl.nu/kamj
  Replies (17) Good night (4841) Bad night (780)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in

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  (778): Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in http://tfl.nu/zrr6
  Replies (11) Good night (916) Bad night (3195)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.

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  (315): Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run. http://tfl.nu/6sa5
  Replies (13) Good night (916) Bad night (2576)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.

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  (208): I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism. http://tfl.nu/ixxa
  Replies (15) Good night (2388) Bad night (926)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.

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  (269): There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now. http://tfl.nu/59k6
  Replies (9) Good night (1506) Bad night (601)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...

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  (703): Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down... http://tfl.nu/5zyg
  Replies (6) Good night (2388) Bad night (578)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face

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  (541): Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face http://tfl.nu/zdd8
  Replies (11) Good night (1976) Bad night (561)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?

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  (617): How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity? http://tfl.nu/1m4t
  Replies (7) Good night (1874) Bad night (534)
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  (415): View more from California

  It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.

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  (415): It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms. http://tfl.nu/erk3
  Replies (9) Good night (1837) Bad night (307)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.

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  (843): I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least. http://tfl.nu/90gk
  Replies (5) Good night (686) Bad night (250)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car

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  (703): I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car http://tfl.nu/t9eq
  Replies (1) Good night (687) Bad night (361)
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  (212): View more from New York

  I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.

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  (212): I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream. http://tfl.nu/ohie
  Replies (6) Good night (264) Bad night (945)

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