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I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Farmville is her only friend.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
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