At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
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fuck your aforementioned shoe
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
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I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.