it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
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This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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