Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
