oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Girls should come with a carfax report
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
