i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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