my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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