I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
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