dude i'm inner monologue high
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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