when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
