You're a womanizer and a bitch.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
