Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
