Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
