The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
