nut hugger
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
its liver damage thursday
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
