Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
