So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
