he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize