Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
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