Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
