Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
