yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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