Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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