I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
