In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
