Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
