We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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