Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
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She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I love how my cats smell like pot.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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