What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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