Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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