You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize