im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
