Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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