you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
