My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
