ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
