I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Sober January is a disaster.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
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four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
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I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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