Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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