i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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