Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
