Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
birth control should be required to get into college
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
