1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
