Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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