when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
