What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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