I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
