i wish my penis had a tongue
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
