I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
