What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
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I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
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Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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