just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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