Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
