he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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