the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
