my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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