I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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