R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
